Do you guys get really into song lyrics? I do. Like unreasonably into them. Like I find a song that I like and then I meld it into my life. Which is a little ridiculous because I listen to top 40 radio stations all the time, and most of those songs are written by people who are basically tweens going through break ups. #sonotmylife One of my favorite songs that took on a seriously deep meaning for me was the song Run by Snow Patrol. It totally became into a song about Elliot. (You can read the full lyrics here.) Some of the lyrics are Light up, light upAs if you have a choiceEven if you cannot hear my voiceI’ll be right beside you dear Whenever I hear it, I’m immediately taken back to the moments before Elliot died. When I was holding him in my arms and whispering to him how much I loved him. How everything was going to be okay. How it was okay to leave us. We would be alright. We wouldn’t let his death ruin our lives, we wouldn’t let his mark on our lives be tragedy. Elliot has been on my mind a ton lately. For a lot of reasons, big and small. The biggest of all being that someone close to Nathan and I told us recently, in no uncertain terms, that since it has been five years it is time for us to move on from Elliot’s death. I think at some point this will become a larger post titled “What Not to Say to Someone Who is Grieving,” (it’s a little ridiculous that I have a list), but this week, when Elliot is on my mind so strongly I feel compelled to share this with you. Grief is a very tricky thing. It comes in waves. It attacks when you don’t expect it . . . and very very often when it seems like it should have left you for good. Someone much much smarter than me said that we should be kind to others as everyone is fighting some sort of battle. Someone else very smart said something along the lines of how important it is to be kinder to others than is expected. While it has been more than five years since I whispered my goodbyes to Elliot, and while I’m a very functioning grieving mom, I am still grieving. Like a lost limb, I have learned to function without my second born, but that doesn’t make him any less missed. Ummm . . . should we talk about this Rainbow Sugar Cookie Cake now? It is entirely unrelated to Elliot’s death or my grief and will likely earn me a “We just want the recipe” comment, but I kind of love that it is the recipe that goes with this post. Because rainbows are so happy. And sugar cookies are seriously happy. And cookie cakes are just over the top. This cake is a lot easier than you would think. It’s basically the best sugar cookie recipe, divided, dyed, and haphazardly thrown into a springform pan. You won’t get even layers, but that’s totally fine, because as you can see it still pulls off it’s rainbowness perfectly. Enjoy, friends. And please be kind.
